last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
You're like the curious george of whores
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
