he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
