I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
