32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
