the new term for farting is butt boxing.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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