i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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