thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
When are your genitals available?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
