How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
She needs sedatives and a leash
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
