I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
