He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I believe in your delicious
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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