none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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