i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
