I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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