It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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