Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
