i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
