My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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