Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
found the other keg... it's in the tree
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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