haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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