I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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