They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
