the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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