just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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