im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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