The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
