dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
