it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
