still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
