I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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