how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
