went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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