I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
She's the barista slut.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
