She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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