I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
