And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
