Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
