my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
