I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
