there's paper in my vomit.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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