you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
