he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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