Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
