What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
We had sex on a dog bed..
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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