You can't special order awesome
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
