If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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