Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
what day is it and did you see me today?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
