literally had 100 drinks last night.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
