So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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