help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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