first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
