I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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