"it" just moved
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
are you so shy because you have an std?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
