Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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