why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
