if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Randomize
