The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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