never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
