If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
he had hair everywhere except his balls
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
