I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
