Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
