god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
