I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
