the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
